I wonder if you will ever believe me when I say
that I would do anything for you.
Satellite of Love 01
When those horrible school times were over, Leo liked to forget about everything and tried to have some fun. Since he was very young, Leo used to invent some games to play on his own, he normally had the best time when he could completely forget about his outside life, there was nowhere to go and nobody to even talk to, not even his family, they were very bitter and useless, Leos sister hated him since he could remember, she developed an older sibling jealousy that never went away for some reason he couldnt understand, she was always angry and distant, its like she wasnt his sister at all, Leo didnt have a good memory of her in all those years, in fact, it was hard for him to even remember about her. She wasnt only mad at him, she also hated her father for his attitudes and because once long ago he had a secret affair with another woman and got caught.
About the father, he was a very lazy salaryman, once he got some money because he was partner with a guy who made some minor frauds, and he was his accountant, then the guy got jailed for some time and the father went his own way with his normal stuff. He put the money on his wife name because he was afraid to get caught as well, but it never happened, he tried to invest that money in a small property but his wife thought those were trashy and rejected, completely ignoring the incoming migration boom of the city. With time they spent all the money, which got shorter after a few financial crisis that hit the country because the people in power stole it all again and again. He became the eternal in debt, low income salaryman, but at least he kinda behaved now.
Leos mother was a severely frustrated high drama volatile woman who would scream and make scenes to fix everything, and she was the center of the family. Leos grandmother was like her daughter, and she used to forget her frustrations with food. Leos grandfather and uncle had died long ago. The last one was Leos aunt, she was the smartest of them all, though not by far, she got a better husband who had family properties and business, which he later made successful, so they had money and lived well, they got their own family problems but decided to avoid the divorce and hanged around with each other, things went well about that too. She had a couple of children but they barely ever talked to Leo because they lived faraway in a borderline northwestern town, and also in a very different social class. Leo liked her because she monthly sent money to his mother in order to pay for everything, bought them clothes and xmas presents from that big and wonderful country up north, without her it would have been deep poverty in the middle of a wasteland, and they lived so faraway that they never were going to bother him, Leos aunt was like a gift sent from the heavens.
Leo also had some relatives from his father side, but they were poor, annoying and lived in a rural town near the big lake, I dont care about those either, they couldnt even shave the thick mustache of their little girl, though maybe I shouldnt speak about that, mmm.
When Leo got away from school, at least temporarily, he finally could develop himself, he became very strong, he was someone able to do stuff, with time his mother started to learn from his actions and gradually calmed down, since she was the center of the family, the whole house life slowly started to get better. Yet it was always time for him to go back, to be forced into something he just didnt want.
Satellite of Love 02
Long ago, Leo loved to play with the computer, but it wasnt his, he also had to share it, and for a few years it was like this. After his sister left the house creating conflict with her mother, in what later will be a chain of bad very emotionally attached decisions, Leo wanted to take the computer to his room but his mother wouldnt let him, it was until Leos aunt came to visit and she stated the obvious, that they let him took the old pc. Leo thought of why they didnt want him to and came up with a few reasons, they thought he was going to break it like some idiot, that they were greedy, that he was going to look for porn, which he did all the time anyway, and finally that they were the most stupid people in the world and he was stuck with them.
Leo gladly put together his new best friend and started to personalize everything in a complete order, he remembered that they didnt want him to watch porn, so he did in the comfort of his isolated room just because he could, he liked to look at the girls but he never got into the porn culture like other people he heard of. With time he realized that he didnt really like those girls.
Leo always had whatever the rest of the family didnt want anymore, his room was full of old obsolete used things, it looked horrible, but Leo looked at things with different eyes, as those were the only things he could possibly have.
Leo had to unlearn many things his stupid mother taught him, like being a possessive freak and do everything so the others would like you. Leo then decided to make his isolated room his own, he threw away everything he didnt want, he stopped being their storecloset and arranged things his own way. Later he opened his room door to allow better ventilation and locked the entrance to the second floor, taking it all for himself, since nobody else was really using it.
The pc was obsolete but Leo kept it to its best shape, there was a lot of things it couldnt do, but many that still could and Leo had not done before, so he focused on those and left the others for a future time. One day, he started playing an rpg game, he didnt fully like it but the music was elegant and mysterious, so he kept playing, it was very addictive because it had a lot of little scenarios, Leo decided to finish the game, Leo decided to forget about everything and play, Leo decided to stop playing just for food, he wasnt even taking a shower and he only slept like three hours a day. It took him a week and some days to end the whole game and then he returned to his normal life, after taking a very necessary bath. He used to change his clothes and wear a cap, so his mother didnt find out about his little adventure.
At the time of his second college, he looked for something to do, he wanted to paint or make music but he didnt have any money, he chose writing because it was the only one he could afford. He wrote a whole book using a pen and a big notebook, it was about something very personal to him, he didnt understand much so the book wasnt that good at all, it barely made sense, it was about the recent changes in his life, about a little voice in his head that started to make things go better and clearer, he thought those voices were supposed to lead you to madness, but for Leo everything was improving for himself and how other people treated him.
It didnt mean that the little voice fixed stuff like magic, it took a long time for Leo to become truly strong, everything that was broken within him was still there and the time he got very sick arrived, his heart was beating too hard and his artery tore a little, the left side of his chest had a purple tone and he was very weak. It wasnt a constant bleeding, only when his blood pressure was too high, so Leo had to make mayor changes with his life, he reduce physical efforts to a minimum, he couldnt carry things, he often had to kept his left arm next to his chest, he had to forget about many things he used to care and made him stress like getting a girlfriend or pleasing his mother.
When his illness was critical he thought he was going to die, he thought it would be nice if he died, if he just let his artery fully tear, let his blood out and die. He planned a last day of his life, he took the written notebook and burned it, he bought a large pizza and ate it all that night, but he didnt die, just got a bad indigestion for eating too much, hehehe, Leo, youre such an idiot.
He kept going on and improving his life while listening to the little voice. Leo was a big pervert, once he looked at some drawings and liked them very much, he searched for it and found a game about a dark book of magic, a high school boy, his somehow beloved female friend and the other people around them; in his youth foggy eyes, the story was intense, the setting interesting, the graphics beautiful, the voices charming; an unwanted and mediocre life, then fulfilled desire, lust, greed, power, frustration, and somehow somewhere, love.
Satellite of Love 03
Theres a white prism with phony jism spread across his face, and the soulful convicts forever interred lose the smile across their faces, the smile that registered hopes and dreams has proven just a waste, the indentured servant forever in this place.
Little Leo had a huge doubt inside his heart, very quiet and silent, tear from his heart. It was afternoon, he had just eaten, he took a bath and wore clean clothes, he was going to deliver some papers then planned to go eat some ice cream and walk around a mall. He went downstairs and said goodbye to his mother, she was watching the same tv show she always watched at that hour and bragged about, Leo didnt watch tv much but something struck him by surprise, as he turned and looked at the tv, he felt a cold needle which went very deep inside and made him shock in a place he barely felt before, he quickly said that he forgot something, ran upstairs back to his room and switched the tv on.
Leo had this thing with redhead girls, for some reason they always called his attention and thought they were very special, no matter who the girl really was. There was nobody like that where he lived, so he only could see them on internet photos or tv. Leo was happy for seeing a beautiful and cute girl who had such a warming voice, she wasnt even redhead, maybe the old crt tv was broken, maybe it was the pleasures of the media illusion, but Leo was happily watching.
When the show ended, Leo mechanically continued with his day, it was friday so he had to wait until monday to see her, to see the tv show again.
Monday and all the days that followed came, Leo arranged everything so nothing could bother him at that hour. The show had many people and the actress he had fallen in love with wasnt on screen all the time, which made him sad, the show wasnt that bad but his feelings were desperate to see her, he didnt care about anything else.
She was so beautiful, fun and charming, like a pretty witch dancing a happiness spell, her smile felt so warm and her expressions so kind, wouldnt it be, wouldnt it be lovely if I, if I could be with her?
It wasnt the first time Leo got so excited while watching a tv show, not that he was a very good watcher, when he was very little he saw some kids in an unhappy home, someone special visited them and taught them the magic to fly, they flight together as a family and traveled to a fairy world where they built a home and had many adventures. Leo back then truly believed that he could fly at the darkest hour of one night, that he could escape through the window and leave everything behind, fly to a magical world of beauty and kindness, be together with the people he loved, whoever they were, and hold their hand in happiness. But he could never fly, he got stuck to the ground and its filth, slowly poisoning him. Leo looked at the window and its magic, but it disappeared before he could even get close.
Good luck that Leo didnt jump from that second floor apartment window, Leo would have become a meatball squashed on the ground, Leo is wingless.
Satellite of Love 04
Leos illusion was a very powerful as dangerous weapon, it could help him create ideas, solutions, adventures and paths, improving his life and giving him a reason to actually live; but it could also lock him down and mercilessly crush him as he loses his breath, cries and begs for help with his pitiful and muted voice directed at no one in particular.
Of course, everything made sense if you were wise enough, all structures were there inside him, it was Leo the one who couldnt see it with his conscious mind, with his crippled sight he didnt know what was there, he could sense it, and he knew it could go either way.
Leo decided to follow his feelings even when it could mean sacrificing himself, for some reason he felt that there was nothing else besides the happiness behind the magic floating around the window.
He could have chosen otherwise, he was smart, strong, funny, interesting and good looking; he could have searched for his happiness in a more convenient way, it wasnt going to be that easy however, he would have had to work hard, yet with good luck not even that, he then could have been rich and surrounded with good friends, a beautiful wife, and why not, a couple of lovely daughters. Although, he never met someone like that before, maybe wanting those people with money as the catalyst for a better life was the delusion, not so crazy since everybody around him had those sort of desires too.
By the time he wondered if he should do what he was doing, it was already too late for second thoughts, he hated the shape of the world around him, he wanted to change it into something proper for him to live in.
Leo chose to follow the magic trail in order to find the fairy land, a kind family to hold hands with, a truly beautiful girl to kiss and laugh with, but right there is where the bright side met the dark, as a mortal human he had many skills, he was bigger, wiser and stronger than the other humans he knew, but when it comes to magic, he had nothing, he was just a normal boy fantasizing about a better world, one he loved but he didnt seem to belong.
And another thing, just as he knew a mortal human wife could possibly not be there for many reasons, it was the same for the magical one, just because she would float around in the air didnt mean she was going to be there just because he wanted to.
One wonders why he chose a world so faraway from him, the answer must be sleeping inside his heart and mind, a place where he was wingless.
Everything I heard about you stays quiet in the dark, a tear that falls from my one and only heart. Theres a wide sky that shines as one lonely wishes, but thats wrong, desire, death, deception, I want to see you.
Satellite of Love 05
Leo loved his games but his depression problems usually got in the middle, many times he couldnt concentrate much and immerse, he felt trapped when a part of the game didnt reflect his immediate tortured feelings, but there was a wonderful trick to focus on the fun, he used saved states to restore the game to a prior point of his choice. The joy of this trick is that you can do many things you wouldnt normally do, because you can just load what was before, you can explore all the details in the game without any fear, you can throw yourself to the deepest abysm knowing that you can come back in an instant, why would you throw yourself anyway? theres a hint of a treasure chest near the waterfall, it may contain a piece of a heart, you should totally jump for it, then youll only need three more pieces, I hope it doesnt contain a lousy green rupee that you could get by cutting grass on any field, hehehe.
As the months passed, Leo memorized the scenes and the chapters that actress played, just the abstract idea, for the details he bought a bunch of tapes, and without realizing how freaky he looked, he happily taped it, he began taping the whole chapter, but it was too much for his budget so he only recorded her scenes. Leo normally watched the morning broadcast of the chapter to learn the timings, he taped in the noon broadcast, and happily relaxed in the evening broadcast. Ggggg, he watched her three times daily!! oh Leo, you give me chills because youre so serious with your feelings, some boys tape porn or cars, others a faraway girl who for some reason they feel desperately in love with, and I hope you realize that those tapes are going to be obsolete real soon, which is good, I hate pre pc stuff, ggggrr, three times daily, the freak.
That was Monday to Friday, on the weekend there wasnt a broadcast at all, they used to show a bunch of terrible movies, so he couldnt watch her on tv, therefore the glorious internet was the solution. For some weird reason he wouldnt look for her on the internet if he could watch the shows on tv, it seemed that part of Leos mind was still lets say sane and reading hard data was extremely painful for him, or maybe he could just not handle all the information at once, I dont know, but he needed that path opened, and it was like a big barrel full of powder made by some stony looking being.
Shes married and has a husband? I can please him too, and lets be honest, when she gets to know me shes gonna ditch him and take me for her truly beloved, emh, husband? shes gonna love so much; She has some kids? more of them to love me, hehehe, Im gonna be a, what? father? nah, that cannot be right, Im gonna stop thinking about it; Shes old and Im young? that means my chances are better, hehehe; She lives faraway? I just have to get there, how far can it possibly be in this modern world?; She might not love me at all? dont even say that! shes so beautiful, she has to love me, I mean, why not?
Leo got desperate because in reality he was just some idiot poor boy in the middle of a wasteland, he thought he was good enough but he didnt have anything to prove it.
The worst part of all is that he lived his life in complete opposite of what he needed to be at that moment, and he already waited too much, he felt that he was supposed to be with her since day one of life, yet its been decades and nothing had happened. Leo truly believed that they were meant for each other, he slowly realized that a husband is someone you met one day and live forward, but not the days before. I would say the days before turn into today, but little Leo was desperately inlove and hated that she had a life without him, hehehe, little perv.
Leo looked at himself, at the bottom of his heart, what he could see is that his love for her wasnt just casual, lustful or romantic, what he could find out was that he had an eternal link with her beloved actress, that she was probably his mother or her sister, that she was his only family and being together was the most wonderful thing in the world, he always wanted a strong beautiful caring mother, or a lovely cute charming sister. So it was decided, Leo was going to do everything in order to be with her, this pitiful tiny world wouldnt hold him back, he was going to grow wings and fly.
Satellite of Love 06
The first thing Leo needed was money to move, he had none and he required a lot, and the worst is that he already ran out of time as her beloved mother, sister, actress or whatever, was living without him at that very precise moment, “why cant she just freeze until I get there?!”, shes a bully and a meanie to little poor Leo, hehehe.
Leo had no rich father to fall back on, he had to do everything himself, no matter of how difficult and dangerous it was. Before starting, Leo made short and medium term plans, the only long term plan was succeeding to reach her, everything else led to suicide by inducing death as the final point of the failed road, mmm, I guess you can imagine the kind of stuff he needed to do.
The numbers were cold and very rough, his coins were worth twelve time less than the ones in the northern country, the plane ticket was half ridiculously expensive, only half because he wasnt coming back. He didnt feel confident traveling through his crime saturated country, and he wanted to give a good impression to her, he didnt want to look like some torn apart homeless dude, and there was other problems, he didnt have a visa nor the chance to get one, he didnt work nor had a house, nor anything, he could as well be like any other normal immigrant traveling north, and after that, he didnt know how exactly to get where she was. So, there was a lot of issues, he decided to solve them all with the power of his, emh, love?
For the starting money, he needed it fast and there were two ways, one was in the drug dealing business, there were several male neighbours around his house that did it and had fancier houses, but he never met them before, and he didnt know anybody else, if he was going to rush into that, they would probably give him a dangerous job and then he could die without seeing his beloved so special one.
The second, and the one he felt more confident about in spite of its nature, was prostitution, hihihi, but male prostitution wasnt so easy for him, he wasnt a beautiful girl who could work at one of the near massage places, he heard about something at downtown bars, but those were cheap and disgusting, he was never going to make enough money there, as he once read on the internet, those were for monkeys, little dolls played in the avenue across a long mall near Leos house, and then it was decided, he went there to look for a job.
Leo was a bad person harassing someone good, and bad people has the best luck. Leo went to the place, he wasnt used to go out at night, he thought it was scary because he could get lost, so he went there in the evening, the sun was still up, cars coming and going, people from the mall and places around passing by, others waiting for the bus to take them somewhere. Little Leo walked around the place he once saw, where those girls stood waiting for customers. He didnt want to look too suspicious, so he used a fake cellphone and pretended to talk, but there was no one there, he finally approached a small lottery store that was installed on the sidewalk, the lady inside was coming out and bumped Leo, who oddly behaved very social and nice, they talked a little and Leo asked about the girls who worked there, the lady thought he was looking for one as a costumer and said that it was later at night, then Leo corrected and told her his intentions, the girl laughed and told him that her brother was in charge of that, then she called him and told Leo to wait half hour because he was coming. Leo thought of walking around the mall but he didnt feel like it, he sat there nervously by the lottery store, he opened up and ended up confessing his worries about the job to the lottery girl, she told him to calm down and that it wasnt that bad, she also asked him questions and said that her brother was going to help him start. The brother finally arrived with a smiling face after seeing Leo, he was kinda nice and quickly went for him, asking questions and making conversation for him to open up, and when he felt comfortable, he began to socially touch him, he told Leo that he wanted to see him, that the lottery store was tiny but they had an apartment near there. Leo, still nervous, accepted with a weak smile, the lottery girl was curious and tagged along, she closed the store and the three of them got up a sort of nice car, he drove three blocks and arrived at the apartment.
It was on the fourth floor, near the top, inside they gave him a drink which he refused, and they talked to him about the business, they offered him a deal for working, he normally looked first but he saw Leo nervous and didnt want to lose him. Leo accepted and both took him into a room, they make him undress and told him to take a shower and shave while they watched, Leo didnt want to so they told him to only shave as much as he was comfortable, later they put light make up on him and tried a few dresses. Finally, the man told him to undress again and took him to another room with a bed, where he and his sister taught him what to do and took advantage of him as they fulfilled themselves with the pleasure of an early night fueled by need.
Leo wanted to preserve himself pure to his beloved girl, but the required money was too much, and some part inside him kinda liked what he was doing. They gave him a little start money and told him when to come back, the man promised that he was going to give him nice clients for him to begin, and he did, then Leo became a beautiful doll.
Satellite of Love 07
Leo had acted as a girl on the very few internet forums about the actress, to his surprise, he could easily fool everyone, and now he was acting as a woman to the pleasure and desire of some disgusting men. Normally he would had enjoyed the cheap kick and money to improve his own casual life, but he had planned differently since the beginning and he didnt last long in that business.
His good luck of a bad person continued and he met a rich bald man who just got divorced, not very rich though, he just had some money. It was weird for Leo, he only said nice things to get along and finish quickly, he didnt have any feelings for the bald man, he was just doing his job, he sort of twistedly liked the sex, but he didnt like those people, at best they could become friends someday, but nothing more, yet that weak bald man found comfort with Leo and deluded himself into something that didnt exist, Leos romantic kindness and love for him.
By the third date, the bald man took Leo to his house, he wanted to show him the wonders he possessed and could offer, a luxury home, nice furniture, a large closet filled with expensive clothes and perfumes, a big tv, some exercise equipment, and men boring stuff. The bald man had a hole in his heart that was about to led him to the end, his wife left his home and divorced him, things were so bad that she even abandoned her things there, her father was rich so she only took the necessary and left him alone.
Her belongings around the place were driving him crazy, he had to show them to Leo and talk about it to relief himself, he discussed it, eventually made jokes and then mocked his forever gone wife, Leo was enjoying the peculiar show, he laughed along and improved his jokes.
The bald man was so distracted that he forgot to take care of himself, there was an open security box with money and Leo saw it. The bald man wanted to drink something and Leo told him that for the special occasion, he was going to drink with him for the first time, the bald man happily got up and went to the kitchen to prepare the drinks. Leo ended the act, took a sturdy and heavy small sculpture that was on a table, went behind the bald man and viciously smashed his head, Leo felt compassion for him, therefore he quickly killed him so he wouldnt feel much pain.
Leo rapidly took the money and stealthy left the place, he didnt want the trouble of getting everything else, with the money and the act was enough.
Satellite of Love 08
With money on his hand, he could start working on making his wonderful dreams come true. After all the cheap sex and related, he didnt want a wife anymore, he loved that beautiful I wanna kiss her pretty face actress as her mother or her sister, though he didnt really know how to name the nature of their link, you dont have to think that hard for such a warm kiss, because, wouldnt, wouldnt it be lovely?
Leo prepared to carry on with the plan, he wanted to quickly move just in case there were problems because of the murder. He had told her family that he was helping some people with their computer problems, that he hated to go at night but they were working all day, that they wanted and paid him to go to that northern country and bring back some special pieces for a special computer.
His family believed him, beyond his awkwardness he was a serious person, he hated to go out, he had some fame by then of fixing computers, and he shown them the money to supposedly buy those things.
They called Leos aunt at the borderline city and explained that Leo needed to go for a job, she gladly accepted to take care of him and the arrangements for the plane travel were done.
As the path became clearer to see, Leo was happy but he was also afraid, after some time thinking he decided to just forget about his fears and go with everything for it, which meant meeting and giving himself to complete stranger because of his love for her. Leo quickly packed a couple of suitcases, it was fast because he had planned for what he needed, the other one was empty so he could bring stuff back for everyone at that long funny name wasteland city he was about to leave forever.
He decided not to say goodbye to his tiny cute dog, it was too painful, he gave some money to his mother in case anything happened, he gave her too much in a paranoid way, she laughed and accepted because she liked money. Leo went upstairs to his room, took his suitcases out, then started to slowly close the always opened door, and without looking behind, he left everything, and he left his beloved dog to her own luck.
He felt sick at the plane but everything went alright, he wasnt so sick because of the plane, he was sick because his former life ended, he felt empty and horrible, but there was a bright sun where he was going.
Leos aunt picked him up, she was happy for him because he was finally working and it seemed he was doing well. Leo told her that the next day he was going to meet some people who were relatives of the ones he worked for, he was going to meet them at the only mall that city had, Leo knew cause he searched for a nice place on the internet back at his old home. His aunt wanted to drive him but he told her that he was ashamed, she asked for his cellphone number but Leo didnt have any, she got worried and told him that she was going to drive him anyway.
Leo was very nervous to get caught, when they arrived at the mall he stood there for a while, in the meantime his aunt was waiting in the car, he went to her and told her that they werent there yet, and that he was going to quickly look for them inside the mall, she said ok and Leo went, but not to look for them, it was to escape and never see his aunt again.
He planned on looking for an illegal way to cross the border, if he couldnt, he was going to go back to his aunts house and make excuses to stay as long as he could, he had money so it was easy to believe, but he was worried to get caught in his lies, he wasnt used to lie and it was troublesome for him.
Leo was an evil person, so his luck got better again. He arrived at the border line, it was incredibly full of cars and people of all kinds, Leo discretely talked and asked different people for a way to cross, it wasnt difficult because they all were there to cross one way or another.
Eventually he found someone who led him to a bus, he paid to get up and waited there for an hour. He got desperate but other people there had waited for four, and the bus was slowly getting full, so he thought it was going to be alright.
At some time the bus closed the door and left the place, they had told Leo and the rest that they were going to the other line near there, and they did, and the bus crossed, and it went its merry way to suddenly stop, opened the doors and nastily screamed for everyone to leave and run, everybody did including little Leo, who was more ashamed than afraid.
Satellite of Love 09
The rest ran away however they could while carrying their stuff, looking for their relatives or friends to take shelter, but Leo was different, he was alone, he was wearing nice clothes, he had white skin, he looked young and handsome, strong and confident, he could speak english and had a peculiar natural accent, he also had money.
He looked for a decent not expensive hotel and paid for a room, then he searched for a bus to that other city he had read on the internet, the city she lived in.
He had planned to spend the night at the hotel room but it was very painful, he couldnt sleep at all knowing that he could still go back to his previous life, he just needed to cross the border back to his country, get to his aunts house, into a plane and then back to his mothers house. He imagined everything over there, he cried in anger for his lost life but there was no going back now, he rather kill himself than becoming his old self again. He wanted to destroy the path that led him back, so that same night he took the bus to that other city, away from the borderline, where everything he loved resided so, near.
His plan was to found a cheap place to stay, like an immigrant house where lots of people reside in one room and mostly is to just sleep at night while you work during the long of the day, but instead of working, he then could lurk around certain places looking for that beautiful special person. The city was huge and there was strange people everywhere, but he had some information that came from the internet, he found out that his beloved actress supported certain causes, that she frequented certain places related to those causes, it was the perfect opportunity, without that he would have been completely lost.
Im not gonna say which causes, it doesnt really matter, it could have been anything, he was going to act like he belonged there, act like he was a wonderful person, not perfect because that would be annoying, he had to be a little clumsy sometimes, get a little angry or mad; he was going to act like someone fun, interesting, goodlooking, easygoing, caring, without a trouble; even when his insides where burning into desperation and madness, he was going to hold all that inside, not letting anything pass through his skin, he needed to be that way, he had to be hers.
When he walked down that street, he was like a child staring at his feet, and there is where he met her, and the music started to play.
At first, his eyes found her and his body stealthy followed like attracted by a spell, he wanted to burst but he painfully hold everything in order to be able to move his lips with naturality, for his voice to reach her ears, it was a powerful magic trick that brought his body next to hers, what he saw was beyond incredible, he remembered all those times at the tv or the computer, the desperation in his heart crushing behind some inanimated materials and a timeless mechanic recording, she wasnt there in the middle of nowhere at a faraway poor land, but with magic, she now was right in front of him.
Leo quickly realized that everything had just begun, he was able to perform a mysterious magic but everything could disappear in one second, he needed to be extremely careful yet he couldnt let her go, he desperately needed to attach himself to her since day one, it meant that he knew he wasnt becoming hers in a single day, it meant to be acknowledged by her and at least get some contact information, so he could somehow communicate with her directly about, whatever.
Leo took a deep breath, decided to give all confidence to his abilities and let everything just happen, the worst would be to lose character and a possible second chance.
Little Leo was a great actor, even with the riptide tearing his insides, he was able to play along, at some point he noticed that she was looking at him while he spoke, he wanted to laugh like a little kid to her but knew it wasnt his place.
Was Leo a horrible person? I dont know anymore, he must have been because his luck kept improving and she started to smile at him. It turned out that she was very bored but had to attend that event because of one of her personal and business relations, she thought that Leo was funny and was having a nice time around him, he saw the miracle in front of his eyes and eventually approached when she was alone. They talked and laughed for a while, Leos head was spinning and had trouble concentrating, he must have lost part of his brain just to put himself together, he acted like someone who didnt watch tv and who didnt know who she was, he even said that he was sorry for not knowing her before. When she asked about him, he already prepared a little story that wasnt really a lie, he said that he was an immigrant, that he had a good life but there were some family problems and he had to leave his house, that he came to the country with the little money he had left, that he was living in an immigrant house and that he was hungry because he hadnt eat. The actress thought of giving him some money to help, but then she thought it may have looked rude, so she rather invited him to eat something casual, after all, she was having some fun and it was a good excuse to leave the event earlier.
When they were about to go inside her car, Leo realized how far he had come, his mind was confused and didnt understand what was happening, he was just some idiot poor boy who lived in the middle of a wasteland, he was nobody, he had nothing, he was a shadow and she was the sun, if she stood he could not, he didnt belong in that car, his place was not next to her, he was an evil person who dared to perform a forbidden magic to become someone she could look at, he was so sad that the second he sat inside her car, he started to uncontrollably cry, she asked what was going on and he told her that nobody have ever been so nice to him before, that he was sorry for crying, he wanted to say more but he could not, he just repeated in tears that he was sorry… sorry, sorry.
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The actress could finally calm Leo down, but his magic had already made another trick, ever since that moment she looked at him with different eyes, Leo looked to her like a lovely handsome dummy little boy who needed someone to take care of him.
The actress told him to cheer up and drove to a family restaurant, Leo forgot about everything and decided to relax and enjoy the wonderful and incredibly time together with her, Leo left behind his past, the desperation and madness, his old house and his pathetic former self, he was so happy now, at that very moment.
Leo behaved like a little funny kid and her maternal feelings emerged, she even cleaned his mouth with her napkin after both were playing with the food. They ordered many desserts and at the end their stomachs were about to explode. She thought it would be nice to get a rest, then she told him that if he was a good boy she was going to show him her home, he said “Im gonna be a good boy!” and they left the restaurant.
He felt a little worried about going to her place, he asked if it was ok and she awkwardly answered that she just got divorced, she said so in such a strange voice he hadnt heard before, not all those times watching tv, nor a little while ago, she stopped there and made a weird face when she realized that she didnt really need to say that, Leo asked what happened and she said that she couldnt stand him anymore, that it was awful because they were years together and had children, then he behaved uncaring and distant, she started to hate him, there were many problems and finally she filed for the divorce. Leo was happy for the apparent good news, and felt pity for the idiot who was left behind, he even joked with her about his poor old husband because she looked very strong.
And now, the great magician was inside that warm and kind home, he felt like someone who escaped from hell and managed to find a way into heaven. The bizarre and confusing time when she presented him to her children arrived, Leo had no idea of what to think or do in front of that boy and girl, so just as before, he acted and said a nice hello to the kids and their nanny.
She didnt plan to kept him for long, the nanny went home and they all ended up having a good time together, hours fled and night began to fall, eventually the two kids got tired and sleepy, so the mother took them to their room while Leo waited sitting down on a sofa.
He had a question he tried to bury but was no use to do so, he nearly abandoned all reason for magic to take its place, as he couldnt believe the reality that surrounded him at that so lively moment, all the time he was heavily against all odds, and then, from an instant to another, everything had changed, but why? why him? and how come it was so soon?. There was no other answer, it was magic.
That little uncomfortable goodbye talk started to happen when she came back, he said that he didnt want to go back to the ugly place where he used to sleep, yet her kindness was not going so far, she needed something from him if she was going to allow him to be there for a day, he had nothing, therefore she took him.
Leo was very shy, he started to shake as she firmly looked directly at his face, he could only tremble when she touched his arm, she asked him if anything was wrong, he nervously said he was ok and that he was happy, very happy to be with her. He wasnt moving so she hold his head and began to kiss him, slowly then passionately, she could taste the tears that fell from his eyes, suddenly she stopped and laughed a little with her face next to his. Leo tried to wipe his tears, when she saw him, she hugged him, kissed and licked his neck, touched his body while pressing hers against his, she slowly undressed him and pushed him to lay on the sofa, with her on top of him.
She kissed him for a very long moment, she hadnt take off neither her underwear nor his, she ordered him to wait there and not to move while she was going to get something, then he froze, when she came back, she took Leos underwear and tossed it away, she brought a condom and she told him that she was going to put it on him. Leo said that he didnt want it, that it was fine like this, she laughed and said that she was the responsible husband and that she was going to force him to.
The moment of truth came and she started to remove her underwear, Leo was still laying down on the sofa, she was standing next to him, first she took her bra off then her panties, to finally lay on top of Leo as she grabbed everything between his legs. Leo gave up on and became completely hers, he obeyed what she said, he moved however she wanted, he was like an extension of her body during that magical moment of, happiness?
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When the actress finished having sex with him, she remained on top for a while as their sweat mixed and they absorbed each others breaths. Eventually she got off his body and took the condom away, she then told him that she was sorry but he had to sleep at his place because she wasnt comfortable with her kids, he got sad and just nodded with his head. She dressed herself and had to help him dress too because he was very clumsy doing it alone. She asked him if he was hungry, he nodded yes and she brought him some cookies and a juice for him to take home, called a cab and gave him the money to pay it.
Finally she asked for his cellphone number, but Leo didnt have any, she got surprised then annoyed, she thought for a moment what to do and then told him to come back to her home in a couple of days, she wrote down her address and cellphone number to be put in his hand. The taxi arrived for Leo and they both waved goodbye.
Leo hated the idea to be around a bunch of strange people he didnt like, he needed privacy to try thinking straight. Since he already entered heaven, he decided to spend some money, ditch the immigrant house at least for the week and pay for a moderate hotel room. Finally there, he jump on the bed and started to cry, it wasnt because he was just sad, it was because he had too much emotions inside his heart.
Leo wanted to make an excuse and go back the next day, but he knew it would be pushing his luck, his magic too far, she had said a couple of days so he had to wait and not make her mad, but it wasnt easy, Leo had a million desperate fears inside him, he thought that she was going away or just change her mind while he was locked inside that room, the waves of fear were painful and merciless, but he was able to hold for the day.
He had the brilliant idea to buy a cheap cellphone and call to let her know his new number, but by the time he thought of it was very late at night, so he decided to wait for the next day, because in some hours he was going to met her again. He also had a little nightmare about his past, but he quickly cleared it out of his mind.
Leo was dizzy from all the fears inside his head, but he didnt want to look too bad or sick in front of her. He knocked at her door and felt the magic when she opened it and smiled hello to him.
As their relation developed, Leo felt more secure and started to move on his own, he could talk by himself with confidence and even began to tease her. Leo was still highly dependent of the actress but not completely like when he first met her.
Maybe because he started to be a good person, maybe it was fate, maybe, I dont know, whatever, but his magic met a very poisonous toxin called “her real life”. For Leo, she was the whole world, but for the actress he was just a casual relation that was going to end terribly wrong.
Leo was lovely but after all, she was an adult with grown up needs and he just behaved like a little kid; she had her social relationships, status and career, while he only had her; she had a beautiful home with her children, he had nothing but the body he stood on.
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The actress had enough of Leos strange behavior, she hold with patience for a while but things went too far, and suddenly out of her control.
At first, Leo often had panic or anxiety attacks whenever she talked to someone else, and she was a very social person, so poor little Leo kept shaking, the actress was worried about him until one time her exhusband called and Leo got angry, for someone else he would have looked cute and childish, but the actress already understood Leos mind and wasnt happy about it.
It was a very difficult situation for her, normally she would separate from the person at least for some time, but Leo had no home, money or job, he didnt have any friends nor family, because he was completely alone she made the huge mistake of showing him her home where her kids were, she liked Leo, but he was dust in comparison to her children.
The actress slowly decided to get rid of Leo, thought that his problems werent hers, planned to get him professional help for his mental issues and charity help for his financial ones, if everything went well maybe later help him become a legal resident, for him to have a normal life of his own, one that would catch the attention at that moment was placed on her.
It was clear to Leo that she didnt want him anymore, she stopped touching him and always kept a safe distance, like he had some weird disease or a curse, and she didnt want to infect herself with. For some reason her kids werent around anymore, she wasnt talking about herself, she wasnt smiling, she wasnt asking about him, Leo never understood why she turned like that, he never hurt her, he was never aggressive, he never lied to her, it was the nature of a casual relationship coming to an end, the light in his eyes flickered for a minute, then the magic, it was gone.
One day she called Leo and asked him to come to her home, this time she sounded very serious. When he arrived he wasnt allowed to go and sit on the sofa like usual, the actress instructed him to sit on a chair of a dinning room table, and he did, there were several documents she had prepared for him, she kept talking about help for this and that, he nodded yes but became bored and annoyed, he stopped caring at all. When she saw that he wasnt listening, she took all the papers and put them into a folder, then handed them to Leo as she gave him the warning of not coming back until he got help, and that she could be her friend from now on and only if he did things well.
That was the moment when Leo broke into a thousand pieces, his mind was blank and his heart crushed, he felt he hadnt done anything wrong to her yet she hated him now, as she was tossing him into a void. When Leo could finally recover his breath, he thought about saying something but quickly realized that he had nothing to say, so he told her the only defense he could figure out, that he wasnt going anywhere.
The actress felt that he was going to respond like that, so she ordered him to go out of her home, he kept quiet and watching the floor, she repeated the same a couple of times and then increased her warning, she said that if he saw him again near her or the children she was going to call the police, and that if he didnt leave she was going to call them now.
She was just dealing with an annoyance after some cheap relation, but for Leo it was the worldend, he could never understand why she hated him so much, he kept thinking but he could never find an answer. Leo stood up, took the papers and tossed them away, grabbed the chair he was sitting on and kicked it against the wall, then stood in front of his beloved actress while watching the floor, trying to gather forces to look at her face, but he was interrupted by a couple of very strong punches on his face.
Leo bit his lip and finally looked at her eyes, then said as he got up from the floor, after his legs couldnt hold the weight anymore, “why is it that you beat me? it isnt any fun.”
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Leo sobbed while hiding his face with his hands, she kept quiet and let him cry, but she didnt regret what she had done. She didnt wish to harm Leo, in fact she wanted him to get better, thats why she bothered about the professional help for him, she was also sorry to have messed with his feelings, she felt that all those things she did with him were wrong, that she should have seen Leo as he was, a little boy who needed help.
Leo could not understand anything, so he decided to completely open his heart to his beloved actress, if it was the end, he wanted to say everything before he died.
He started talking about his old life, his family, his old house and the way he used to live. When she felt the story was going for long, she invited him to sit again, and told him not to ever kick the chair again.
She heard part of the story, the one that said that he never related to anybody and such, but nothing changed in her heart, on the contrary, it confirmed that he needed special help, she thought that maybe medication was necessary, and before he could continue, she told him that it might be better if he went back to his family, as he needed someone to take care of him; for her, it was obvious that he wasnt capable of living alone, if he couldnt go back to his family back at his country, maybe he needed to be hospitalized in a special clinic, she wondered how expensive was that, he was alone and she probably had to pay for that herself.
Little Leo then was a tiny lonely ant looking for a grain of sugar inside the actresss kitchen cabinet, he felt like he was a handicapped slave and she was the master of the land, he was not allowed to be a person just like she was, the one declaring it right in front of him, he was a shadow and she was the sun, he had no right nor reason to exist in that world.
She was in a complicated situation, she wanted to tell Leo to go home and maybe meet someplace else a few days later, but she was worried about what could happen to him if he was left alone, she was about to ask if he remembered his old house phone number when Leo said something surprising that caught her attention.
Leo said that he was sorry for lying the day they met, that he had seen her on tv before, that he lied because he was afraid to give a wrong impression. She laughed and said that it was ok, but Leo told her that he wasnt sure if it was alright, then continued with his story.
The mood turned heavy and grey, her expression firm and full of anger, she always thought Leo was a little innocent boy, yet he did everything with an intention, he was there because he planned for it, he left everything behind for a crazy dream with her image, and now he was there right before her eyes, making her feeling responsible for him and his twisted actions.
The anger became desperation when she heard how he got the money to travel and stay there, how he cruelly abandoned his family and himself and how he managed to get in touch with her.
In the actresses mind, it was clear that Leo sitting down in front of her was the result of many terrible sins, that he didnt belong there and he did many forbidden things to be able to.
When she realized the tragedy she got involved with, she really wanted to know the reason why Leo did all those horrible acts, why did he become so sick, what faulty map had brought him inside her house. She took a deep breath and used her kind voice to ask him what he was feeling when he did all that, to her surprise, Leo smiled and showed expressions of happiness, it seemed to be something he always wanted to tell her, his joy made her believe it was the first day they met, it was difficult for her to hold anger against such a naive smile.
The joy quickly turned into something else, Leo started to tell a story about his lost family, not the one at the wasteland, his true beautiful family he deeply loved. It was a cute and sad story constructed from what Leo said were his remaining memories, Leo suddenly stopped and stared at his beloved actress who didnt know what he wanted, she was about to ask when the shocking moment happened, he told her that he believed she was his mother or his sister.
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The reason for Leo to be jealous of her exhusband and everyone, also the little play fights with her children, it was now clear, she never felt it was a sexual driven action for him to be with her, it was always a heavy sentimental one, like she was someone very special for him just because she was born.
Leos actions made sense now, he was too afraid to have sex, it was difficult to touch him if they werent playing something, it was impossible for him to push forward, it hurt him so much for some reason, he didnt traveled from so faraway for a romantic relationship with some strange person, he wanted to meet his true family.
The actress stopped being angry at him, but the problems just kept piling up, now she was supposed to be his relative. She carefully listened to his story, it was a clumsy one because he didnt remembered much, most of the facts he had stated were deduced, he barely had any hard data at all.
It was cruel but necessary to let him know, she told him that she didnt know what he was talking about, she was over forty and he was only thirty, she obviously wasnt his younger sister, she told him that it was certain that she wasnt his mother, and she was sorry for giving him the bad news.
Leo became very impatient, he wanted answers for everything he had said, but she didnt want to keep going on, it was troublesome for her, she had responded to a couple with a feeling of certainty, but Leo had many more questions in his heart.
The actress decided to give Leo a little explanation about her family, she included a few photos and names, it didnt last long and Leo was still unhappy with her story, there was a doubt, as if, maybe, she could have overlooked something.
She realized that Leos heart was set to believe and was not going to be easy to convince him otherwise. The actress decided to give a final statement and make Leo leave her house, she declared that she was not his mother, that she was not his sister, that she was not related to him, that it was all a delusion from his sick mind, that it could have been any other actress but it happened to be her, that he didnt belong there, that he deluded himself of a true family because he couldnt manage his own life, that he destroyed his own self because he hated himself, that all his so called memories were made up in order to make him feel better, that he didnt have any evidence of his so called true family, that he was just a poor little boy who got sick and started to have fantasies to comfort himself of his horrible reality.
Leo slowly cried in agony and anger but she didnt stop, she knew he didnt belong there and she had to put him in his proper place. The actress waited for Leo to be able to give a final answer or give up and seek the medical help he needed so much. It took him a long while to be able to put some words together between all his tears and sobbing, he seemed to gather his last energies just to said his last words before the worldend: “you hurt me so much when you ignore me, you have no idea how much”.
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The actress had enough of dealing with Leo, he could cry all he wanted but nothing was going to happen, she wasnt going to turn her precious life around some sick foreign kid who called himself a relative, he had no place in that world and she wanted to throw him out of her house and her life. I wonder if little magician Leo still has a last trick to save his life.
She felt she didnt need to call the police, she didnt want to explain how he got there and her relationship with him, she could force him before to do things she wanted and she was going to do it again, she got up her chair and stood next to a still crying Leo, she made a pointing sign and told him to get out of her house, but he wasnt listening.
The actress really had enough of Leos behavior, he looked like a little kid but he wasnt at all. She pushed and knocked him down the chair, he hit himself with another chair before bouncing on the ground, and of course he kept crying, she was sick of it, so she kicked him a couple of times on his chest and his back, then another couple, she was frustrated after all the problems and discussions she had in her recent life, so she kicked Leos head until he stopped moving.
When she calmed down she realized that she had gone too far, that it wasnt her normal self, for some reason she had become in rage with some sick kid she barely knew, she believed that she was a good person and was determined to help him get over his illness.
She realized that it was dangerous for her family and herself, even if she could somehow deal with him, Leo could go after her kids, friends, her fame or other family members, she thought that it was too much to handle for her alone, she had to admit what happened and ask other people for help. While Leo was still on the floor, she took the phone and called a couple of her friends, she explained the emergency and they soon arrived there.
First a woman arrived, quickly followed a man, they had around the same age as the actress, they were very worried about her. When they met her, they asked her if she was ok, they looked at her body in fear of finding any injury, felt glad to not see any and gave her a warm hug. They were curious and asked where Leo was, she pointed at the kitchen as he was still laying on the floor, the man went first to check him, when he saw him defenseless, he called the other girls to join him.
In the meanwhile, Leo still was not sure of the fact that he didnt belong there, the arguments in his mind could still go both ways, but the actress ended her relation with him, she was not going to talk to him anymore and there was nothing he could do about it, he was completely alone again, and not only that, the answers inside his mind had abandoned him as well, he tried so hard to remember, he knew he chose her for a reason, there was a million easier delusions to fulfill, yet he chose this one, there was something in her eyes, her voice, her movements, he sensed that there was something but he cannot see it, he wanted to know her, he wanted to know himself, but he didnt have a soul, therefore she did not want him, it was clear for a defeated homeless boy, if he could have played her game, they would have become a happy couple, he wasnt laying on her kitchen floor for no reason.
He went there to met her no matter what, he sacrificed his life just to have a chance to see her for real, he wasnt going to change at the last moment. He got up the floor, fixed his clothes and took his sit again while the actress and her friends stared at him from the opened kitchen door.
Leo was very serious, he apologized for all the troubles he had cause, then he asked with a kind voice to the actress if she was completely sure of what she had said before, she started to cry and said yes, he cried too and told that he was going to accept what she said to him, that he was sorry but he couldnt remember much about himself.
The actress and her friends became confident and sat at the table with him, she began to talk again about the professional help he needed, then the friends joined her and gave Leo tips about what to do, obviously on his own, none of them was going to bother walking with him along that miserable way, as he saw the actress happily talking to her friends, Leo realized that he truly didnt belong there, he was just a poor little boy from a faraway ugly town in the middle of nowhere, nobody he loved wanted to play with him and his horrible heart, he needed to change himself into something he was not and beg for a chance to be let in again.
Leo was not pleased with what his beloved actress wanted, but she won the fight and he was lucky to be even alive. Leo agreed to all her propositions and promised to do everything as she said. The mood was lighter as the problem solved and they started to talk about other things Leo had nothing to do with, he could only make an empty smile while watching their conversation, thinking that men do not belong with the angels, spirits nor gods, and gravity was there to enforce the rules of this huge and powerful world, as that empty smile of him kept growing larger.
They finally implied that he should leave, he got up from his seat and announced his farewell, he promised to write a letter to inform her of his progress with the treatments and such. He said thanks and left the house while they waved goodbye at him.
And Leo did as he promised, there was a carnage inside him but he had lost that fight with his beloved actress, he was going to obey everything unless he could somehow fight her back. He went to the treatments, charities, all kinds of organizations that help with this or that, he met a ton of people with a bunch of diverse problems and a lot of employees trying not so hard to somehow help them solve those.
Leo threw himself to whatever they told him to do, he soon was the favorite everywhere for being such a nice person, an example to every other nagging patient or poor people waiting in a line, although its probably not accurate to call him like that, it was not like he was getting any better, not even with the drugs, he just kept his promise of doing whatever she said because he couldnt remember anything.
Leo used to write letters to her, he included photos and documents, reviews from doctors, psychologists, teachers, priests, and whoever wanted to write something about him. The actress used to write him back a brief letter that said she was happy for him, Leos empty smile could not be bigger.
As time passed, Leo did not get better, he felt the drugs only hurt him but he took them anyway, he tried very hard to follow every instruction but that made him very weak and tired, he could barely get up in the morning but he went to every event in his schedule.
Leo had left a meeting and was on the way to sit in a park for the rest of the evening, something he often did. That day the sun had been very bright and he had trouble opening his eyes, with the little strength he had, he kept walking in direction of the park, suddenly, he heard a big noise to his right and before he could turn his head, something fractured his body in half as it hit his hips, then the fall broke his arms, shoulders, a leg and his head.
It wasnt really waking up, it was something similar, he slightly opened his eyes and heard a voice fading, it was asking many unintelligible questions he had no idea how to answer. He tried many times to move his lips and ask for the actress, but he couldnt, he eventually had to give up as he lost control of himself and slowly died.
He loved her so much yet, he couldnt love her at all, and the world ended for him right there.